IDENTITY

This is about us. You, me, and everyone we know. (I don’t recommend watching that fucked up movie.) Unfortunately, I felt the need to throw this together and therefore will be making it better in the future.

For a long time, I called myself by where I came from and what I did. Something like, “Hi I’m Jason, a German (3 of my 4 grandparents came over on the boat – one grandfather running from the Nazis during WWII for harboring Jews and the other was drafted into the German army, whereas the 4th grandparent had a parent in the Osage Indian tribe) from NY via SC and moved to Cincinnati in ’99, oldest of 8 (7 boys and 1 girl (who is the youngest)), was homeschooled till 10th grade (they said my brother and I were the 1st and 2nd people ever to go there after 9th grade who were homeschooled), swimming was my major sport from age 5-18 but played 2 sports every season, studied biomedical engineering in college, worked 2 jobs all year long from age 15 on, did research on vaginas for 2+ years after graduating, moved to NC for a girl and to find research work, couldn’t find work so moved back, got into an engineering position through metrology, started/ran this company or organization, won these awards or competitions, played rugby for 15 yrs, drumming for 20+yrs, got arrested 3 times, played in this band or that one, fucked up here or there, dated her and her, listened to this or that, looked like this or that, saw here and there, went to new and old, etc etc etc… (the best and longest run on sentance I’ve ever written)

Everyone has one of these narratives.

Usually, we give a summary of who we are like a current snapshot, “Hi I’m Jason from Cincinnati; I studied biomedical engineering at UC, currently work as a training manager and trainer at a metrology company, I recently retired from rugby, started a couple companies, am the oldest of 8, and live in Covington.

And now all of my online identities will be stolen. Shit.

I’ve mentioned some of the statements that some believable, and close, people have said to me about what they think of me like Accountability/ Transparency & Feedback Fresh.

Mainly that it “seemed like I had a self-identity issue”. So I’ve been looking into it through the avenues of psychology. Classical psychology will often title addictions (coping mechanisms), dependencies, and covert (hidden) depression as self-identity problems or personality disorders. This is an unfortunate truth, but a good segway to where, and who, we really are.

Personally, I know I have issues with dependencies and addictions – I work on them in waves (especially seasonally and when major changes occur in my life). That being said, practicing stoicism has helped tremendously in coping with everything and anything – trying to maintain an even kilter. Also, learning about and practicing different techniques to maintain presence has been the most beneficial action for me to avert the looming overt (immediate) depression – which is needed to get over the underlying problems. At some point, I’ll take that journey, but the timing needs to be right.

Let’s move on.

You’ve had many looks. Many thoughts. Many actions. Many experiences. Many feeling. Many friends and or family, alive or dead. Maybe many jobs. These in themselves don’t define someone. They are just easy ways to describe what you might be like.

I don’t think many people meet me for the first time and think I’ve done many many of the things I’ve done. Let’s try to “judge the book by its cover”. Let’s get to know each other.

What does that mean?

Well, who am I?

As Aubrey Marcus says, “I’m you, living a different life”.

I’m the sum of all of my thoughts, actions, experiences, genes, hopes, and feelings.

And so are you!

Let’s make the best of them.

With love,

Jason

 

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